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# Feds on Slack

The conversations you always knew were happening.

## Sitemaps

- [XML Sitemap](https://fedsonslack.com/sitemap.xml): Contains all public & indexable URLs for this website.

## Posts

- [Blog](https://fedsonslack.com/blog/)
- [[CLASSIFIED] Backyard Pool Incident: When Agent Jenkins Attempts Home Improvement](https://fedsonslack.com/classified-backyard-pool-incident-when-agent-jenkins-attempts-home-improvement/) - FROM: Barry R. TO: Mike P. SUBJECT: RE: Jenkins' Backyard "Water Feature" Project DATE: February 25, 2025 Mike, It's happened again. Jenkins bought a house with a backyard and decided he needed a pool. Not just any pool – a "Pokémon-themed aquatic training facility." Instead of hiring just any pool company, he specifically sought out
- [[CLASSIFIED] Home Inspection Incident at Agent Jenkins' Residence](https://fedsonslack.com/classified-home-inspection-incident-at-agent-jenkins-residence/) - FROM: Barry R. TO: Mike P. SUBJECT: RE: Jenkins' Home Inspection Situation DATE: February 23, 2025 Mike, We have a new situation. Jenkins decided to sell his condo and had a home inspection scheduled today. Nobody thought to check his home for classified materials first. The inspector found what he described as an "unusual power
- [URGENT: Pest Control Incident at Classified Facility](https://fedsonslack.com/urgent-pest-control-incident-at-classified-facility/) - FROM: Barry R. TO: Mike P. SUBJECT: RE: Infestation Situation - Pest Control Called DATE: February 22, 2025 Mike, We have yet another containment situation. Jenkins reported "unusual activity" in the quantum research wing. Turns out it was just mice, but he'd already called Pest Control Mt. Airy before anyone could stop him. Their technician
- [[CLASSIFIED] Internal Memo: BPM Spokesman Accidentally Markets Interdimensional Climate Control](https://fedsonslack.com/classified-internal-memo-bpm-spokesman-accidentally-markets-interdimensional-climate-control/) - FROM: Barry R.TO: Mike P.SUBJECT: RE: BPM HVAC SituationDATE: February 19, 2025 Mike, The BPM spokesman just went live on Channel 7 about their "routine maintenance visit" to our facility. Quote: "While our technician cannot confirm or deny the presence of interdimensional cooling systems, BPM remains committed to maintaining optimal temperature control for ALL species,
- [TOP SECRET: First Contact Protocol Now Officially Includes Pokémon Trading Cards and Pikachu Costumes](https://fedsonslack.com/top-secret-first-contact-protocol-now-officially-includes-pokemon-trading-cards-and-pikachu-costumes/) - FROM: Barry R.TO: Mike P.SUBJECT: RE: FIRST CONTACT INCIDENT - JENKINS INVOLVEDDATE: February 21, 2025 Mike, The rumors are true. We've made official first contact with the Zeta Reticuli visitors. It happened at 0400 hours in the Nevada facility. Jenkins was there because he was tracking a "rare spawn" on his app. When the portal
- [[CLASSIFIED] Memo: Agent Jenkins Accidentally Becomes Leading Expert in International Cybersecurity Through Pokémon Analogies](https://fedsonslack.com/classified-memo-agent-jenkins-accidentally-becomes-leading-expert-in-international-cybersecurity-through-pokemon-analogies/) - FROM: Mike P.TO: Barry R.SUBJECT: RE: Jenkins at the International Security ConferenceDATE: February 20, 2025 Barry, I know you're at the budget meeting, but we have a situation. Jenkins was supposed to attend the International Security Conference as an observer only. He is now giving the keynote address. Apparently, the actual keynote speaker had a
- [[CLASSIFIED] Memo: Agent's Pokémon Fan Blog Accidentally Reveals Quantum Secrets (And Wins Hugo Award)](https://fedsonslack.com/classified-memo-agents-pokemon-fan-blog-accidentally-reveals-quantum-secrets-and-wins-hugo-award/) - FROM: Mike P.TO: Barry R.SUBJECT: RE: Jenkins' Personal Blog DiscoveryDATE: February 19, 2025 Barry, You need to see this. Remember how Jenkins keeps detailed field notes? Turns out he's been posting them on his Pokémon fan blog for THREE YEARS. He calls it his "Original Trainer Fiction Series: Adventures in Interdimensional Pokémon Research." His post
- [[CLASSIFIED] Internal Memo: Agent Accidentally Revolutionizes Physics Through Pokémon Research](https://fedsonslack.com/classified-internal-memo-agent-accidentally-revolutionizes-physics-through-pokemon-research/) - FROM: Barry R.TO: Mike P.SUBJECT: RE: NASA SITUATION - URGENTDATE: February 19, 2025 Mike, Jenkins submitted his Pokémon spawn research to a scientific journal AS A JOKE. He titled it "Correlation Between Rare Pokémon Spawn Locations and Gravitational Microvariances: A Field Study in Gaming and Quantum Mechanics." NASA's theoretical physics department wants him to present
- [[CLASSIFIED] Project Starwatch: Internal Communications Feb 2025](https://fedsonslack.com/project-starwatch-internal-coms/) - FROM: Barry R. TO: Mike P. SUBJECT: Re: Recent Aerial Phenomena [CLASSIFIED] DATE: February 18, 2025 Mike, The reports from the Midwest sector are becoming harder to contain. Three more commercial pilots reported the same formation of lights last night. Our usual weather balloon explanation isn't cutting it anymore. What's your take on implementing Protocol
- [TOP SECRET: Federal Agent's Gaming Habits Create Most Successful Cover-up Yet](https://fedsonslack.com/top-secret-federal-agents-gaming-habits-create-most-successful-cover-up-yet/) - FROM: Mike P.TO: Barry R.SUBJECT: RE: Jenkins' Latest Social Media SituationDATE: February 18, 2025 Barry, You're not going to believe this. Remember how Jenkins keeps a personal Google Map of his "rare spawn locations" for Pokémon Go? He accidentally posted it to his "definitely not a fed" conspiracy theory account instead of his gaming profile.
- [[CLASSIFIED] Internal Memo: The Pikachu Incident](https://fedsonslack.com/classified-internal-memo-the-pikachu-incident/) - FROM: Barry R.TO: Mike P.SUBJECT: RE: Christmas Party PhotosDATE: February 18, 2025 Mike, We have a situation. Jenkins just posted his Christmas party photos to his personal Instagram. Normally, I wouldn't care, but he was wearing that damn Pikachu onesie while standing in front of the Project Starseeker whiteboard. I can clearly see the Zeta
- [[REDACTED] Officials' Private Emails Reveal Alien Psy-Ops Are Just Jenkins in a Pikachu Onesie](https://fedsonslack.com/redacted-officials-private-emails-reveal-alien-psy-ops-are-just-jenkins-in-a-pikachu-onesie/) - FROM: Mike P.TO: Barry R.SUBJECT: Re: That Drone Story 😂DATE: February 18, 2025 Barry, Did you see how many TikTok views that farmer's "mysterious craft" got? I can't believe they fell for the LED strip on a weather balloon. Again. Sometimes I think we're making this too easy. Still laughing about Jenkins piloting it in

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