[CLASSIFIED] Memo: Agent’s Pokémon Fan Blog Accidentally Reveals Quantum Secrets (And Wins Hugo Award)

FROM: Mike P.
TO: Barry R.
SUBJECT: RE: Jenkins’ Personal Blog Discovery
DATE: February 19, 2025

Barry,

You need to see this. Remember how Jenkins keeps detailed field notes? Turns out he’s been posting them on his Pokémon fan blog for THREE YEARS. He calls it his “Original Trainer Fiction Series: Adventures in Interdimensional Pokémon Research.”

His post about the quantum portal incident? 50,000 views. Comments are all praising his “creative worldbuilding” and “scientific attention to detail.”

How did we miss this?

-Mike

FROM: Barry R.
TO: Mike P.
SUBJECT: Re: RE: Jenkins’ Personal Blog Discovery
DATE: February 19, 2025

Mike,

Just reviewed his blog. His post titled “Why My Mewtwo Has a Different Energy Signature” is literally our classified report on the beta radiation patterns from the Houston incident. He just replaced “alien spacecraft” with “legendary Pokémon” and “dimensional rift” with “rare spawn portal.”

It gets worse. That “creative writing series” about his “shiny hunting techniques”? Those are his actual field coordinates and detection methodologies. The comment section is full of physics Ph.D. students trying to decode his “metaphors.”

Someone made fanart of his “fictional research facility.” It’s an EXACT blueprint of our underground base.

-Barry

FROM: Mike P.
TO: Barry R.
SUBJECT: Re: Re: RE: Jenkins’ Personal Blog Discovery
DATE: February 19, 2025

Barry,

The conspiracy subreddit just discovered his blog. The good news? They think it’s too accurate to be real and are calling it “obvious government disinformation.”

The bad news? Three different scientific journals have cited his blog posts as “theoretical frameworks for interdimensional research.” His post about using “max revives” to stabilize quantum fluctuations is now required reading at MIT.

Also, remember that teenage code-breaker? She’s in his comment section explaining why his “Pokémon type advantage chart” is actually a breakthrough in understanding particle physics. She’s… not wrong.

Should we shut down the blog?

-Mike

FROM: Barry R.
TO: Mike P.
SUBJECT: Re: Re: Re: RE: Jenkins’ Personal Blog Discovery
DATE: February 19, 2025

Mike,

Too late. The blog just won a Hugo Award for “Best Science Fiction Worldbuilding.” The review committee praised its “imaginative yet scientifically plausible approach to interdimensional travel through the lens of Pokémon training.”

Jenkins is ecstatic. He thinks his “fiction” is popular because of his “creative use of real physics terms” he “randomly heard around the office.”

CERN just offered him a research position based on his “theoretical framework for pocket dimension storage systems” (his 10,000-word explanation of how Pokéballs work).

I suggest we officially classify Pokémon as a cover story and promote Jenkins to Chief of Creative Documentation.

At least his reports will be entertaining.

-Barry