[CLASSIFIED] Internal Memo: BPM Spokesman Accidentally Markets Interdimensional Climate Control

FROM: Barry R.
TO: Mike P.
SUBJECT: RE: BPM HVAC Situation
DATE: February 19, 2025

Mike,

The BPM spokesman just went live on Channel 7 about their “routine maintenance visit” to our facility. Quote: “While our technician cannot confirm or deny the presence of interdimensional cooling systems, BPM remains committed to maintaining optimal temperature control for ALL species, regardless of their planet of origin.”

Jenkins gave them his card and told them to “bill it to the Pokémon research division.”

Please tell me we have a protocol for this.

-Barry

FROM: Mike P.
TO: Barry R.
SUBJECT: Re: RE: BPM HVAC Situation
DATE: February 19, 2025

Barry,

It gets better. Their PR team just posted on LinkedIn: “BPM – Proud provider of climate control solutions for government facilities, commercial spaces, and quantum anomalies since 1985.”

Their technician wrote a detailed report about the “unusual electromagnetic interference” affecting their equipment. He helpfully noted that it was “surprisingly similar to the energy signature of a level 100 Pikachu.”

Jenkins has already invited him to join his research team.

-Mike

FROM: Barry R.
TO: Mike P.
SUBJECT: Re: Re: RE: BPM HVAC Situation
DATE: February 19, 2025

Mike,

BPM’s marketing team just released a new slogan: “If we can cool a quantum portal, imagine what we can do for your home!”

The spokesman is now giving a TED talk about “Revolutionary HVAC Solutions for Non-Euclidean Spaces.” Half of it is just him reading from Jenkins’ “maintenance requirements” notes, which are actually classified portal stability protocols with room temperature recommendations.

The good news? Everyone thinks it’s a brilliant marketing campaign.

The bad news? Their new estimate includes a line item for “interdimensional coolant upgrade” and “Pokéball-compatible thermostats.”

Should we:
A) Classify their entire company
B) Give them the contract
C) Let Jenkins handle it (he’s already designing them a Pokémon-themed logo)

-Barry