[CLASSIFIED] Internal Memo: The Pikachu Incident

FROM: Barry R.
TO: Mike P.
SUBJECT: RE: Christmas Party Photos
DATE: February 18, 2025

Mike,

We have a situation. Jenkins just posted his Christmas party photos to his personal Instagram. Normally, I wouldn’t care, but he was wearing that damn Pikachu onesie while standing in front of the Project Starseeker whiteboard. I can clearly see the Zeta Reticuli coordinates in the background.

How does this keep happening with him?

-Barry

FROM: Mike P.
TO: Barry R.
SUBJECT: Re: RE: Christmas Party Photos
DATE: February 18, 2025

Barry,

You’ve got to be kidding me. Tell me he at least didn’t use the Valencia filter this time. That one makes classified text extra legible.

I’ve dispatched the social media containment team, but three conspiracy subreddits have already turned the photo into their banner image. They think the Pikachu onesie is “obviously coded messaging about genetic hybridization experiments.”

Should we run with that interpretation? Might be easier than explaining why a senior operative wears Pokemon costumes to classified facilities.

-Mike

FROM: Barry R.
TO: Mike P.
SUBJECT: Re: Re: RE: Christmas Party Photos
DATE: February 18, 2025

Mike,

It gets worse. Remember how Jenkins was doing the Secret Santa thing? He gifted Sarah from Accounting a coffee mug with what he thought was “funny alien clipart.” It was the actual biological diagram from the Roswell autopsy. She’s been using it in Zoom meetings.

Also, that TikTok teen who keeps solving our ciphers? She’s already decoded the whiteboard and thinks it’s coordinates to a Pikachu-themed McDonald’s in Nevada.

Should we:
A) Classify the entire Christmas party as a matter of national security
B) Promote Jenkins to head of disinformation since he’s so good at it accidentally
C) Just pretend the whole thing is an elaborate psy-op

I’m leaning towards all three.

-Barry

FROM: Mike P.
TO: Barry R.
SUBJECT: Re: Re: Re: RE: Christmas Party Photos
DATE: February 18, 2025

Barry,

Update: The photo has now reached Twitter. The good news? Everyone thinks Jenkins’ Pikachu ears are clearly edited because “no government agent would ever.” The bad news? They’re focusing on the equation behind his left shoulder instead. You know, the one about interdimensional travel?

I’ve already had three calls from NASA asking if we’re finally going public with the whole “space is actually shaped like a Pokeball” theory.

I say we go with option C and then classify it. Also, please tell Jenkins the Spring Luau is coming up. He’s absolutely banned from wearing his new Snorlax costume.

Though I have to admit, him falling asleep in meetings while wearing it would be pretty on-brand.

-Mike