[CLASSIFIED] Internal Memo: Agent Accidentally Revolutionizes Physics Through Pokémon Research

FROM: Barry R.
TO: Mike P.
SUBJECT: RE: NASA SITUATION – URGENT
DATE: February 19, 2025

Mike,

Jenkins submitted his Pokémon spawn research to a scientific journal AS A JOKE. He titled it “Correlation Between Rare Pokémon Spawn Locations and Gravitational Microvariances: A Field Study in Gaming and Quantum Mechanics.”

NASA’s theoretical physics department wants him to present at their annual symposium next month. They’re calling it “groundbreaking.”

HE WROTE IT WHILE WEARING THE PIKACHU ONESIE.

-Barry

FROM: Mike P.
TO: Barry R.
SUBJECT: Re: RE: NASA SITUATION – URGENT
DATE: February 19, 2025

Barry,

I just reviewed his paper. The equations he included to “make it look science-y”? They’re actually describing quantum entanglement patterns we’ve been trying to decode for years. He thought he was drawing Pokéball trajectories.

The worst part? His conclusion about spawn rates being affected by “invisible energy fields” is essentially a dumbed-down version of our classified research on interdimensional portals.

Did you know he has a PhD in Physics? He told us it was in “Pokémon Training” during his interview and we all thought he was joking.

What do we do?

-Mike

FROM: Barry R.
TO: Mike P.
SUBJECT: Re: Re: RE: NASA SITUATION – URGENT
DATE: February 19, 2025

Mike,

Update: The Nobel Committee just requested his previous research papers. The only other paper he’s published is titled “Why Pikachu’s Electrical Charges Suggest Alternative Universal Constants” which he wrote during a sugar rush after drinking six Red Bulls.

I had our physics team check it. It’s… revolutionary. He accidentally proved string theory while trying to explain why Pikachu’s thunderbolt attack should technically destroy the planet.

Also, remember those “doodles” he keeps drawing on the break room whiteboard? The cleaning crew never erases them because they think they’re important? They’re advanced quantum mechanics formulae. He thinks he’s drawing Pokemon battle strategies.

Should we tell him?

-Barry

FROM: Mike P.
TO: Barry R.
SUBJECT: Re: Re: Re: RE: NASA SITUATION – URGENT
DATE: February 19, 2025

Barry,

The Pentagon called. They want to officially classify Pokémon Go as a “quantum research tool” and Jenkins’ onesie as “specialized scientific equipment.” They’re also asking if his Snorlax costume has similar “research properties.”

Jenkins just asked if he can do his NASA presentation in his Mewtwo costume because, and I quote, “it helps him channel the psychic quantum vibes.”

The terrifying part? Given his track record, it might actually work.

Stephen Hawking’s family just reached out. Apparently, he left a letter to be opened “when someone finally connects quantum mechanics to Pokémon.” I’m not even joking.

I need a drink.

-Mike